I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Randomize
