I seem to have left my pride at pride
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
