my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
