somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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