Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Randomize
