last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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