we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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