He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
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I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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