the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
My feet surprised me
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
