Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
