matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
