im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
