WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
