You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
