This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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