just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
