You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
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