That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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