i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
