There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
