Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
