Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
