This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
