ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
