Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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