It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
