Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
