just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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