I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize