Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I wish i was in the wii world.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
