May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
