How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
