Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
