I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
