ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Randomize
