after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Randomize
