I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
