who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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