My sheets look like a crime scene.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
