It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
