I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
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