Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize