so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I think I just sharted jello shots
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
