You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
