So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
