just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
