went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
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