Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
