No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
