just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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