So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
