We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
