hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
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I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
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