I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize