I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
